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Post by Bateman on Jun 24, 2007 10:30:08 GMT -5
lets hear some feedback/constuctive criticsm on my new RP. thank you!!
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Post by hellraiser on Jun 24, 2007 10:59:13 GMT -5
I will be completely honest here. The first part of that rp totally sounded like a rip off of the movie Fight Club. I mean thats all I thought about when I was reading it. It just wasn't very original.
The second part was genius though. I was actually getting pissed off and that never happens. So that last part was really good, I was thinking damn please stop lol.
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Post by Bateman on Jun 24, 2007 13:51:59 GMT -5
well chuck palahniuk is my inspiration, and its not from fight club it is from the book choke also by him.
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Post by hellraiser on Jun 24, 2007 16:14:46 GMT -5
I might have to read that one is it any good?
Anyway you know how that guy in fight club goes to all those meetings because he had insomnia or whatever, thats what I meant by reminding me of fight club going to meetings that you don't belong anyway good rp.
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Suicide
Jobber
Stoner Idol for my Suicidals
Posts: 32
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Post by Suicide on Jun 24, 2007 21:15:41 GMT -5
Real good rp man. I liked the first part especially. As far as criticism. Umm. I dont like your last name. Idk dude it was good. Hellraiser needs to come back with something special.
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Post by Mr. Whitmore on Jun 24, 2007 21:23:55 GMT -5
yeah man i enjoyed reading ur rp
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Post by Bateman on Jun 25, 2007 12:09:05 GMT -5
Bateman is a tribute to Bret Easton Ellis... he usually names atleast one character in his books Bateman
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Post by chrisbrock on Jun 27, 2007 14:20:55 GMT -5
Ok, I just got a chance to read your Rp. There were a lot of good things that I saw, but there were also some flaws that you may need to work on.
1) I like your writting style. It's more creative writting than typical Rp. Similar to my style(which you will see next week).
2) I like your character concept. A dirtbag of a human turned wrestler. IT works really well.
3) Your writting is very fluid. It's not a bunch of random thoughts thrown into some paragraphs.
That's the good.
1) You misspelled a lot of words, and left out certain words in sentances that made it hard to follow at times.
2) The liar that goes to meetings to meet woman is a great angle, but mixing it with a guy who wrestles to break bones doesn't work in my opinion. It's not believeable. As E-wreslters, we have the ability to do things that normal Wrestling would not do, but we are still meant to make things beliveable in the wrestling world. I like your background, but your actualy gimmick doesn't work.
3) The journal idea wasn't bad at all, but I think you could have gone about it a bit diffrent. May placed the entire Rp in your blog/journal (whatever you want to call it.) It felt to me the way you wrote is that part of your rp was live tape with narration and the other was a screen shot of your blog posting. That would be very confusing for viewers.
I am a purist when it comes to wrestling. I try to make things as real as possible because to me E-wrestling is about recreating that realism on paper(or in this case the web) that we see on TV every week. You have a lot of talent for writting, that's obvious, but fine tune it a bit and you'll be a powerhouse in E-wrestling.
That's my opinion. If you think I'm crazy, just pass over this message, but hopefully what I have siad will give you some constructive critisism to help you furhter your character.
Brock
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Post by Bateman on Jun 27, 2007 19:03:16 GMT -5
i apprciate the feedback... thanks for actually telling me the goods and the bads... the before blog rp is just a glimspe into his daily life... rex bateman the perosn not the wrestler
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